The joy and splendor of travel lost on one man


It’s now inside a month before we embark on our journey into the wild, mountainous, all-consuming jungle madness of Monteverde.

The question looming today is, what exactly should you pack when traveling to jungle madness?

The first problem I have to overcome is the fact that mailing boxes to Costa Rica involves ridiculous amounts of red tape. The Paris Peace Accords were drawn up in less time than it takes to get one crate of Cool Ranch Doritos through Costa Rica customs, let alone the 15 crates I was planning to ship. Ultimately, whatever items I want down there will have to go with me on the plane.

But after thinking it over, I realize this isn’t a problem at all. It’s an opportunity–an opportunity to pare down my grotesquely cluttered lifestyle.

That’s why I’ve decided to take only the two bags the airline lets me check for free. Two bags for five months. That’s it. If it doesn’t fit in those bags, I won’t be seeing it until June.

Sure, I could pay extra money and check 15 suitcases on the plane, but I’m actually looking forward to this cathartic exercise. I have way too much crap. It will be good to shed some of that dead weight.

Packing light will also force me to really immerse myself in the Costa Rican culture, which I very much want to do. (What’s the point of living abroad if I’m just going to drag along my entire American lifestyle?) I want to purposely limit the amount of United States I bring with me so I may better appreciate Costa Rica.

So after asking myself some hard questions about what I’m realistically going to need in Monteverde, I narrowed down my packing list to the following essential items:

  • (3) pairs of lightweight hiking pants
  • (6) lightweight T-shirts
  • (5,000) gallons of potable water
  • (1) toothbrush
  • (1) Mossberg 12 gauge pump-action shotgun
  • (150) shotgun shells
  • (1) Taco Bell franchise (open late)
  • (1) laptop computer
  • (1) cyanide pill

Now, off to find some duffel bags.

4 Responses to “Simplify.”

  1. Nick

    Kettleballs are for East Coast CrossFit pansies.

    My CostaFit exercise regimen will consist of ten squats with a 175-pound dairy farmer strapped to my back, three minutes of fist-fighting with an adult male howler monkey, and free climbing to the top of the nearest endangered tree with a 35-pound bushel of coffee beans tied to my scrotum.

    5X, bitch.


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