1. The “pho” craze that is currently sweeping the U.S. would grind to an immediate halt if all the ebony chopstick-wielding hipster twerps in Brooklyn had to eat it morning, noon and night. The first thing I’m going to do when I get home is punch a cow right in the face and throw its whole carcass on the nearest Weber grill.
2. If your sweaty, sunburned husband is draping his arm around a toothless, 85-pound, 85 year old Vietnamese woman so you can take his picture like he’s posing with a chimp in a zoo, and afterwards the old lady asks you for “one dolla,” give her a goddamn dollar.
3. Dong jokes never get old.
4. In Vietnam, I’ve ordered “black coffee with milk” five times and gotten five different beverages. “All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and SHE wouldn’t give it to me…”
5. Walking through the rubble of the 1,800 year old My Son temple ruins and realizing that many of the small ponds around them are actually B-52 bomb craters is fairly depressing.
6. Yesterday, I went swimming at the beach and forgot to take my dong out of my swim trunks before I dove into the water. I ended up having to lay my dong out along the entire length of my beach chair so it could dry out before dinner.